Sara Evans Discusses Reuniting With Husband Jay Barker, Writing Album About Their Troubled Relationship: 'The Story Is Mine to Tell'

From the first line of her new single, “Pride,” out today, Sara Evans doesn't hold back.

“You left a mark on my face,” Evans sings unflinchingly, “and brought a dozen red flags to a jar.”

Since her debut album was released Three chords and the truth In 1997, the 2006 ACM Awards Top Female Vocalist scored five No. 1 Country Airplay hits, including such lighthearted love songs as 2005's “Real Fine Place to Start” and empowering ballads like his “A Little Bit Stronger” 2010. But her new music is a rawer representation of the mission of that debut album's title (and songwriter Harlan Howard's oft-cited definition of country music), as she digs into some of her darker moments—including verbal and physical of abuse – in her marriage to former University of Alabama quarterback Jay Barker.

“Pride” is the centerpiece of her 11-song album, Inseparable, will be released June 7 via Nashville's Melody Place, in collaboration with Evans' label Born to Fly. The album, her first collection of new music in seven years, chronicles the highs and lows of the relationship and Evans' eventual decision to reconcile with Barker.

“I'm forcing myself to do something scary by talking about it,” Evans says Advertising signof reflecting on the couple's troubled past and her decision to reunite with him.

Evans wrote “Pride” just weeks after what she calls Barker's “arm” when he was arrested in Nashville in January 2022 after he got into a verbal fight with one of their daughters and then quickly backed up his truck, narrowly missing car. Evans was sitting inside. The daughter called the police and Evans tried unsuccessfully to call Barker to warn him that the police had been called. When Barker returned to the scene later, the police were still there and he was charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon (for almost hitting the car Evans was in) and released on $10,000 bail. He later exchanged the aggravated assault charge for a misdemeanor charge of reckless endangerment with a guilty plea and was sentenced to one year of probation. Until then, Evans and Barker – who married in 2008 and have a blended family of seven children – had been separated since April 2021, with Evans filing for divorce in August 2021.

In the debut episode of Evans' new podcast, “Diving in Deep with Sara Evans” (also out today, March 21), Evans says she didn't believe Barker intentionally tried to hit her vehicle, but allows the verbal altercation Barker and their daughter were very close. “I've had these experiences privately with Jay for 13 or 14 years — it was the first time he'd ever seen him like that. His low point was to see that he had scared her.”

During this time, Evans had already written for a new project, focusing on songs steeped in traditional country lyricism about relationships—like those made famous by Tammy Wynette and George Jones. He then got into a writing session with two new collaborators, songwriters Sean McConnell and Madi Diaz, and things happened very quickly.

“I couldn't talk about anything without crying,” Evans says Advertising sign. “Madi had to sing the demo of our work [for “Pride”] because I couldn't sing it, because it's so heavy. A lot of people deal with it, whether it's alcohol abuse or drug abuse, and anything like that causes problems in the family and in the marriage.”

Although “Pride” was written shortly after the 2022 incident, Evans drew on years of disagreements and struggles. “I kept saying, 'It's just his pride. If he could just get over it and start admitting the truth of what's really going on behind the scenes in our marriage, then we'd be fine.' My kids never found out. They never saw anything. He was never heard to raise his voice.'

With a range of emotions to go through and a story to tell, Evans said she knew she wanted to write as much as possible on the album.

“My publisher set up all these writing appointments for me. I'd get there and just get my whole story out and their jaws would be on the floor,” says Evans. “I'd say, 'Well, having said all that, I've got an idea for a song.' And he's like, “Hell yes, you do.” Evans co-wrote 10 of the album's 11 songs, working with established co-writers such as Emily Shackleton, Alex Kline, Ashley Monroe, Karyn Rochelle, Shane. Stevens and Melissa Fuller.

“Better Than This” showcases the pair's most cherished moments, while songs including “Pride” and “Mask” detail ongoing physical and emotional abuse. “The last time you saw me cry/ You made it all about you… I ended up apologizing for something I didn't do,” he sings on “Sorry Now.” “Closet” details the emotional and physical work of picking up the pieces as a relationship falls apart.

“We'd have a season like 'Better Than This,' and then there'd be a fight,” Evans says. “We didn't have a marriage problem. We had a problem with his anger, especially when he was drinking. Nothing ever happened in front of the kids or in front of people. He never drank until he was 30 – but what he did drink made him extremely agitated.”

The title track offers a through line from the unresolved pain in Barker's past, to the devastating impact on his family. “I talk about how it hurts, so it hurts me and it hurts the whole family, like the line, 'With one hit, we all went down like a domino/ Nobody's heart goes out unbroken.' Dysfunctional aspects of family dynamics affect everyone.”

“Mask” explores the issues related to anger and alcohol that led to abuse.

“There were reasons in his life – starting with his childhood, where he had to wear the mask, be the perfect person, win the national championship, be that Tim Tebow type where everyone expects him to always do the right thing “, says. . “He didn't drink, married his high school sweetheart – and then had the rug pulled out from under him. I think he became a self-protective narcissist and when he saw how much I take care of him and the family. I think she thought, “This is too good to be true, so before I get hurt, I'll push her away.”

Evans notes that her own people-pleasing tendencies led her to begin changing parts of her personality to help the relationship. “There was definitely some codependency going on,” he says.

A few months after the January 2022 incident, Evans agreed to settle. She gave Barker an ultimatum – that they had to go to therapy – before finally deciding to stay in the relationship.

“We'll be in marriage counseling and he'll be in therapy for the rest of his life — because you can change a lot of behaviors, but you have to find out what's causing it in the first place,” she says. “I think most situations like this call for a divorce. But I knew the night Jay was arrested, I knew he was rock bottom and I couldn't let him go. He's a great man who made some bad decisions.”

Repeatedly during the interview, Evans emphasizes that her decision to stay is not meant as a prescription for any relationship facing similar circumstances.

“My biggest fear is that people will judge me or be mad at me for staying with Jay,” she says. “I'm trying to make sure people understand that this is my story, my particular situation, and it's not the way every abusive marriage should end up. Most of them shouldn't end up together.”

The couple has been in therapy for a year and a half, both together and individually, and Evans says their entire family is also in therapy. Evans also says that both she and Jay have stopped drinking alcohol. “We all have to make amends from what happened. But what helps us repair the most is that Jay takes responsibility for it. He'll tell anyone and everyone.”

Evans has also taken a hard look at her own childhood wounds—namely, feeling a lack of connection with her father after her parents divorced when Evans was 12. “He was a wonderful man but a terrible divorced dad. I always sought his attention,” she reflects. “Well, in my mind, the attention Jay was giving me, I saw it as love — even when he was upset with me, because at least he's paying attention to me.”

Evans and Barker have been living together again since November, and Evans says she's seen positive changes in Barker: “I call it 'Marriage 2.0.' And if I see something that comes up that is “first marriage,” I'll confront him and say, “I can see you're tempted to get angry right now,” and he's not defensive at all. We have skills and things we've learned, so nothing is ever beyond a responsible discussion.

“I'm grateful that there was real change and that we were able to stay together. I've been through a divorce before, so I know how hard it is,” adds Evans, who split from her first husband, Craig Schelske, in 2006. “More than anything, I'm thankful when I look at him and see the man I've always loved. and he is happy and whole.'

However, when it came time to write and record the new album, Evans says she was concerned about the project's reception and its impact on her family.

“With 'Pride,' I thought about turning the song into third person – 'She'll take whiskey, she'll take wine/ She'll take whatever' and so on,” instead of the second person pronoun. “Jay said to me, 'Don't do that. This is your song. You have every right to sing it because you speak your truth. Whatever embarrassment comes from that, that's on me.”

Evans says she pours her soul into the song Inseparable has marked a turning point for herself as a writer.

“I am very proud of these lyrics. My co-authors were so understanding and considerate and kind that they let me guide them on my journey. The writing aspect of that is something I'm so proud of, because the story is mine to tell.”