“That Could Have Been Me”: Queer Teens Mourn Nex Benedict

When an Oklahoma teenager Nex Benedict went to school on February 7. Months of bullying about their gender identity culminated in a physical altercation between them and three older girls in the school bathroom. The next day, Nex was dead. Now, as the circumstances surrounding their deaths continue to evolve, trans and queer youth say Rolling rock they are hurt, angry and scared about what could happen to them.

Nex's death remains under active investigation by the Owasso Police Department in Oklahoma. An Owasso School District spokesperson said the school is cooperating with authorities, but dismissed rumors that no students had been disciplined following the altercation. “Any notion that the district ignored disciplinary action against those involved is simply untrue,” the spokesman said. “We recognize the impact this event had on the entire school community and it is our priority to foster an environment where everyone feels heard, supported and safe.” But the death of the 16-year-old student, whose mother said she was transgender or genderqueer, has also sparked a massive outcry from politicians and LGBTQ activists, who have blamed Benedict's death and mistreatment on Oklahoma's competitive transgender policies. and the non-binary. Students.

In 2022, Oklahoma Governor Kevin Stitt explicitly supported anti-transgender legislation, signing a bill requiring public school students to use the restroom based on the gender assigned to them at birth and prohibiting transgender girls from participate in women's sports teams. In 2023, Stitt signed a bill that banned non-binary gender markers on state birth certificates. State leaders like Oklahoma Superintendent Ryan Walters have publicly supported Chaya Rajic — the voice behind the anti-liberal social media account Libs of TikTok. Walters appointed her to a volunteer position on the Department of Education's Library Advisory Committee to Protect Oklahoma's Children from “Indoctrination,” a move strongly criticized by human rights groups for directly leading to poor outcomes for transgender youth. According to a national survey conducted by the nonprofit organization The Trevor Projecta majority of LGBTQ students say they have been harassed at school, two out of three queer youth said hearing about anti-LGBTQ legislation worsened their mental health, and half of trans and non-binary youth seriously considered suicide during childhood.

Rolling rock spoke to several non-binary, queer, and gender non-conforming American teens who said Nex's death isn't just a tragedy — it's a reality they feel they can't escape.

Ezra B., a 17-year-old junior from Oklahoma who identifies as transgender or gender non-conforming, says Rolling rock that Nex's situation feels eerily familiar to his own. He attended the same school district when he was younger and even transferred home in 2017 after the school district in Bixby, Oklahoma passed its own restrictive bathroom bill. His own first-hand experience in the Oklahoma school system leaves him feeling “scared” and “devastated” by the circumstances surrounding Nex's death.

“This makes me feel almost completely helpless,” Ezra says. “I don't feel safe being my true self. I don't feel safe in my country. I feel very little safe in my country. Nex's death is not only a specific threat to LGBTQIA+ children in Oklahoma, but it is a threat to all of us.”

Aries, a 17-year-old from Wisconsin, says many people fail to realize the toll that unsupportive schools can have on transgender children's mental and physical health. For him, skipping class to escape intense bullying caused him to almost fail high school—and he had already tried to kill himself several times by the time he was a sophomore in high school.

“Once I got to high school, the bullying got really bad,” says Aries Rolling rock. “[People] would ask, “What's in my pants?” rape threats, things like that. So growing up transgender in a public school is not a very fun or safe experience.”

In Tennessee, where Gov. Bill Lee has pioneered restrictive laws banning the care of gender-affirming minors and banning public shows, recent graduate Raine, 19, has struggled to make friends or feel accepted. Rayne, who is gender non-conforming and uses their/their pronouns, says when they graduated, they felt like they had escaped. But once they heard Nex's story, it made them second-guess their feelings about where they really belong.

“When I hear stories like Nex's, it makes me think, 'That could have been me.' And it makes me think about all the other non-binary kids in school right now in difficult situations and difficult situations and how they're doing,” Rayne says. “When you're bullied as a little kid, that's what it does [you] see every person as a potential threat. Like they're all out to get me. And I don't want to see the world that way, but that's how I've been conditioned. I had become so comfortable since school. And then I hear a story like this and it makes me recoil again. It's like, maybe it's not over. Maybe, I don't know, maybe it's never going to end.”

When Nex's death was first reported, major media outlets published dozens of articles without Nex's chosen name, pronouns, or gender identity — a common mistake when a transgender child dies. Many of the errors were corrected once Nex's family released a statement confirming their pronouns and gender identities, but Cassia W., a non-binary 18-year-old from Oregon, says online comment sections are still filled with incorrect relationships and hate. For Cassia, using their/their pronouns makes them fear what the interpersonal conversations around Nex's death are right now and worry that trans kids will bear the brunt of speaking up.

“Being transgender is part of my identity, but it's not the only thing that defines me. After I came out, I was expected to always speak up and always correct others and always assert my identity in places where I should just be able to exist without having to do all those things,” Cassia says. “I should be able to just be a student. I wish I could just be a kid.”

Growing up with a transgender father, 18-year-old Quincy Coleman has always had some understanding and acceptance of gender identity. But the non-binary student says Rolling rock that they experienced culture shock in high school when they realized that the transgender community was very stigmatized and misunderstood. “It was kind of a shock because you go out into the real world and you're like, 'Oh my God, people kind of hate us,'” they say. Now a senior in high school, the final months of Coleman's life have been dominated by decisions about colleges and future careers—a rite of passage that stings when they realize Nex will never be able to participate.

“Nex had this life. They had a cat named Zeus. They probably had college in mind,” says Coleman. “All these things that I know about myself were things that they planned and it hurts so much. It's really exhausting. Like, “how is this happening again?”

Nex's parents and family describe the late 16-year-old as a loving person who got straight A's and enjoyed playing video games, reading books and drawing. They also say that even with the bullying, Nex was confident in their gender identity and in educating others. After the family's GoFundMe raised nearly eight times their initial goal, an update posted by Nex's mother announced: “The rest of the money will go to other kids dealing with the right to be who they feel, in Nex Benedict's name ».

In a statement shared with Rolling rock on Wednesday, Owasso PD spokesman Nick Boatman said preliminary autopsy reports revealed Nex's death was not trauma-related and said The independent that “all charges will be on the table.” But even with reports that the police and Nex's school are taking their deaths seriously, and more eyes are on Nex's story, transgender teenagers say Rolling rock the future still looks uncertain.

“I wish none of us had to hide who we are,” Ezra says. “And I wish we didn't have to deal with all this hate coming at us from every angle just for being ourselves.”

“We are all just children. We are literally children and they are doing this to us,” adds Aries. “We have the right to live.”