The onionthe long-running satirical news website that started out as a print publication has become mired in the world of digital media, and its parent company has made a brazen move that seemingly leapt out of the headlines. The onionThe parent company bought conspiracy theorist Alex Jones InfoWarsand the “CEO” of the parent company has issued a statement.
The news was announced via The onion and features words from Global Tetrahedron CEO Bryce P. Tetraeder, a fictitious CEO according to The Onion CEO Ben Collins. Apart from these, Mr. Tetraeder's statement to the world about his purchase InfoWars it's done in real Onion fashion.
Through it all, InfoWars has shown an unwavering commitment to angering and radicalizing society's most vulnerable members – values that resonate deeply with all of us at the Global Tetrahedron.
No price would be too high for such an abundance of malleable assets and minds. And yet, in a stroke of luck, a formidable group of special interests overtook the hapless owner of InfoWars (a forgotten man with an already forgotten name) and forced him to sell it for a steep deal: less than a trillion dollars.
Make no mistake: This is a coup for our company and a well-deserved victory for multinational elites around the world.
What's next for InfoWars remains an open question. Surplus funds originally earmarked for the purchase will be reinvested in our philanthropic efforts that include business school scholarships for promising cult leaders, a charity that donates elections to at-risk third world dictators, and a new pro bono program that pairs orphans with stable factory jobs at no cost to factories.
Global Tetrahedron, which is the real name of the parent company, was bought InfoWars through a bankruptcy auction to help offset Jones' $1 billion defamation judgments for spreading information that the tragic Sandy Hook Elementary shooting was a hoax. Parents and advocates of the shooting victims supported the auction and its end InfoWarsaccording to Collins' answers to X and Bluesky
The biggest game for InfoWars it appears to be a ploy to turn all its hateful and baseless content into a hub for gun violence prevention. Alex Jones also shared a video on Thursday (November 14) confirming the news.
At X, the reaction to the news continues and we have reactions below.
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