Ayaka Wada Remembers Being a Feminist Idol Group Member: Billboard Japan Women in Music Interview

Billboard Japan's Women in Music initiative was launched in 2022 to honor artists, producers and executives who have made significant contributions to music and inspired other women through their work, in the same vein as Billboard's ongoing annual Women in Music celebration since 2007. This interview The series featuring female players in the Japanese entertainment industry is one of the highlights of Japan's WIM project, with the first 30 sessions published as a “Billboard Japan Presents” compilation by writer Rio Hirai.

Ayaka Wada spoke with Hirai for the latest installment of the WIM interview series. The former member of Hello! Project idol group Angerme is currently pursuing her music career as a solo artist, while also actively sharing her thoughts on art and feminism. The 30-year-old explained the discomfort she felt as a member of a popular idol group and why she wants to change the norms of the industry and society now that she is free to speak her mind.

You started your career as an idol performer when you were 15 years old. How did you end up going down this path?

I auditioned for Hello! Project when I was in fourth grade and started as an apprentice. After five years of training, I debuted as a member of S/mileage in 2010. The group later changed its name to Angerme, and I also experienced being the leader.

Before you really made it, did you long to be an idol?

You know what, I never aspired to be an idol. My dad is a loving parent and he said, “My kid is cute, so he'll be accepted anywhere,” and he kept sending applications without asking me. I was shy around new people and shy, so I was like, “I can't stand on stage and sing and dance!” and I was thinking of giving up when I entered high school. But as I thought about how I didn't want to get in trouble with my parents, I ended up making my debut and before I knew it, I had reached a point of no return. My environment changed after my debut and I had to interact with more people, so that made me more responsible. I felt that as long as there were people paying to see us, we had to make sure we didn't get confused.

So you ended up joining the idol group without really intending to. Did you manage to fit into the image of “idols” that people around you expected?

Being an “idol” has a lot in common with the concept of “femininity.” You must keep your legs closed and uncrossed, you must keep smiling, you are discouraged from expressing your own opinions and talking about politics or religion is strictly prohibited. I felt that society's old-fashioned gender roles were still deeply ingrained in the industry and being expected to be like idols, i.e. female, made me increasingly uncomfortable. So I kept thinking that I had to overcome it somehow or I wouldn't be able to live as myself as I continued my idol career.

Have you ever felt uncomfortable with your femininity outside of your idol work?

I used to go to Tokyo from my hometown when I had a job, but I moved there when I entered university. From then on, I felt like I had been thrown into society and became increasingly aware of my gender as a woman. I went to a women's university and wore whatever I liked without worrying about how men saw me, but I was often approached on the street at night wearing pink or flowery clothes and it was scary… I thought, 'Maybe this is the wrong way to dress' , and he started wearing jeans and t-shirts, and he wasn't approached on the street when I did. I thought this was connected to my discomfort with femininity. But at the time, I couldn't verbalize that I was being forced to conform to the idea of ​​femininity that people around me had in mind, and it's like I was always searching and investigating the true nature of the discomfort I felt in my life and in my career as an idol.

How did you figure out the true nature of the discomfort I was feeling?

I learned about feminism at university. It was a women's university, so there was a lot of emphasis on women's education and there were courses that helped us think about how to build a career that would allow us to become independent. In the French art classes I took, I also learned how artists were treated based on their gender. The biggest shock I got was when I learned the famous line, “One is not born, but be, a woman” from Simone de Beauvoir's. The Second Sex in a French literature class and realized that this was the reason for my discomfort. After that, I went to the library and read all kinds of books about feminism.

You were a member of Angerme at the time, so you must have been living with a disconnect between that knowledge you brought in and the required performance in your professional life.

My feelings and actions have always been completely opposite. While going back and forth between these opposing views, I discovered that idols are social beings, not individual. I tried to think that I could also change the idol world somehow, but it was difficult to do it alone. I decided to “graduate” from the group because I thought I couldn't realize what I wanted to do while I was still in the company.

What did you do to address these concerns?

While idols are beings that are produced, each person wants to express something different, so I hoped that we would be treated as individuals, even during our private lives. Being young, innocent and cute was considered important and growing older was not a good thing. We couldn't even grow our bangs. Under these circumstances, I continued to take a grassroots approach like making pamphlets saying, “Why can't I express myself?” and sharing it with staff. I didn't get any outward response, but there was one staff member who confided in me that “everyone went through it and read it.” It was 2018 and the concepts of “diversity” and “gender” were not as familiar in (Japanese) society as they are now, so my actions may have seemed abrupt. I'm starting to notice changes now. There are more variations on expressions such as hair and makeup and costumes. Labor standards are also being challenged and I've heard that more and more talent agencies are setting up mental health counseling services.

When you decided to go solo, what kind of message did you want to send to whom?

People who belong to a younger generation than me. When I was in a group, all my comments about feminism were cut off. “I want to think about how women should be,” was the limit. But I want to think about the issues of idols and feminism and create a work environment where everyone can have peace of mind. What surprised me the most when I made these kinds of comments after going solo was the support I received from my fans. On social media, there are still people who don't think well of women who speak out, but I know now that I have a lot of allies and I feel like as long as I have these people I can continue to speak out.

It must be reassuring to feel the presence of allies around you. There may be people out there who struggle because they can't find like-minded communities. What do you think should be done in such cases?

It would be better if you could connect with people in real life, but now, “in person” isn't your only option. When I was an idol, I didn't use the word feminism when talking to the other members and I felt lonely sometimes, but it helped me to see posts on social media from people who felt the same way as me. So even if you can't connect with people in real life, I hope you find another place where you can belong. Books and art can also become places where your mind can belong and feel protected. When you meet someone with different opinions, express your feelings by saying “I don't think so” without getting carried away, and this simple comment can protect your sanity. In my case, I release the emotions built up in my mind by putting them into words as song lyrics.

How do you think we can eliminate gender imbalances in the entertainment industry as a whole?

I want public figures, staff members and fans, regardless of gender, to join this conversation. If we can visualize what everyone is thinking, including men and women, then I think there will be changes.

—This interview with Rio Hirai (SOW SWEET PUBLISHING) first appeared on Billboard Japan