Life is psychologically challenging in 2024.
The planet is getting hotter every month, technology that's supposed to improve lives is stalling or breaking down, artificial intelligence is a threat to future employment, and there's a chance that democracy will collapse before the United States turns 250. It's no wonder that one in six American adults currently struggle with depression, according to a 2023 Gallup voting. This rate is even higher among women, minorities, and people under 45.
It's almost like the market was primed for the Jelly Roll. His country singles so far – “Son of a Sinner,” “Need a Favor,” “Halfway to Hell” and the Lainey Wilson collaboration “Save Me” – have captured souls in battles with darkness. He extends that chord with “I Am Not Okay,” released by Stoney Creek to country radio via PlayMPE on June 11.
It's “real music for real people with real problems,” says Jelly Roll. “This struggle is something that touches a lot of my music. It's something I'm honest about with my life and something that's for anyone going through this.”
“I Am Not Okay” reflects both the anxieties of real life and the audacity of optimism. Songwriters Ashley Gorley (“Bulletproof,” “I Had Some Help”) and Casey Brown (“Blue Tacoma,” “Girl In Mine”) booked flights to meet Jelly Roll and fellow writer Taylor Phillips (“Hurricane” , “World On Fire” ”) on tour in North Carolina last fall, but a series of airline issues delayed their trip by eight hours and landed them at a different airport. They rented a car in Charlotte and drove another four hours.
Despite their disappointments, the group put together two or three songs before the Oct. 5 show in Wilmington, a gig that proved particularly inspiring.
“I found myself several times during the show looking out into the crowd to see the reaction of these people who were soaking in this music,” Phillips recalls. “And as you look through that crowd, you see people crying, you see people rejoicing, and you see people putting their hands in the air.”
Later, as the bus left for Greensboro, Phillips told Jelly Roll that the concert was like going to church. The singer noted that he essentially made it “okay for people to be unwell.” This matched a title Gourley had plugged into his phone, “I Am Not Okay,” and he sat down at a piano, singing the title as a melody, and the progression began to unfold. He created a carefully ascending bass line, with the track moving instinctively from darker chords to brighter triads.
“I started all the phrases with the six minor chord, but then I always ended up with a major chord,” says Gorley. “Not that I was thinking about it. If I were smart, I'd say, “Oh, I did that on purpose.” But it just sounded that way.”
Gourley was keen to explore the subject – he had gone on the trip hoping they could write something that would bring attention to depression, an issue important to him and Phillips, who lost a friend, Brian Kindle , since committing suicide on Christmas Eve in 2020. (Phillips now does an annual benefit in honor of Kindle). The topic resonates with people in every walk of life.
“Everybody has to go through something,” says Phillips, “whether you have a billion dollars in your bank account or zero dollars in your bank account.
The text “I Am Not Okay” appeared in a linear fashion, with each line building on the previous one. Additionally, the individual sections of the song gave a great insight into the protagonist's battle. He starts from the first verse immersed in absolute depression. The chorus acknowledges the prevalence of the problem – “I know I can't be the only one” – and finally settles into a quiet reassurance: “I'm not okay/ But everything's gonna be okay.”
The second verse has the character vacillating between progress and regression, confessing that some days he can barely get out of bed.
“I've been blessed beyond belief,” says Gorley, relating the message to his own life, “But some days, I'm still like, 'Oh, shoot, this is going to be rough.' You know, I lay there and everybody in the room feels the same. Anyone around the world feels the same, if we're honest about it.”
By the time “Not Okay” reaches the bridge, the singer envisions an afterlife when the fight is over. It gives some motivation to keep improving, though it's unclear if the protagonist will ever completely crawl out of the emotional hole.
“If you put too much bow on it, it doesn't feel like an authentic Jelly song,” says Brown. “There's a really nice thing that all of his songs do, where he kind of meets you in the middle of the pain, and sits there with you and encourages you in a way that doesn't feel forced. I think it's a really unique voice that can approach songs that way.”
Gourley had to leave early the next morning for a family engagement, so he laid down a piano piece and sang a rough vocal for the demo. Brown got Jelly Roll to redo the vocals the next day, but left it in this simple form for producer Zach Crowell (Sam Hunt, Dustin Lynch).
“I didn't really want to do it,” says Brown. “It felt like a really special way to present the song and put it in his camp and let Zach treat it however he wanted.”
“I Am Not Okay” was the first song recorded for the next album at Saxman Studios, owned by session drummer Grady Saxman. Crowell's primary goal was to give the performance more power than he heard on the demo. “It had a happier feel, a softer feel,” says Crowell. “When we went to record it, we tried to find a different vibe, just to put it a little more in Jelly Roll land and have a little more movement to it.”
Session musician Nathan Keeterle translated the demo's piano intro to a guitar with a rubber bridge – it sounds a bit like the reverb guitar in the intro to Fleetwood Mac's “The Chain”. Combined with scrape-y, ethereal electric guitar sounds and pedal steel, the track has a mysterious, ominous tone, eventually giving way to a subtle spiritual undercurrent created by a string section led by arranger David Davidson, the who translated a quartet several times.
“It's probably 100 pieces of strings, just mixed really low,” says Crowell. “I wanted laces on it, just for the thrill. But I didn't want it to be too triumphant and too dramatic.”
During the final vocal session, Jelly Roll spoke several short lines – “I'm”, “it's”, “we're” – at the end of the chorus. As a result, the song takes on a broader meaning as a personal “I am not ok/But of everything will be fine' becomes more cultured the second time: 'Of not ok/But we are Everything will be fine.”
“It felt like the message we wanted to leave people with,” says Jelly Roll.
His unusual vocal style – often loud and a little rough at the height of a phrase, with a bit of diaphragmatic support at the end – was perfect for the song. “It's no secret that I'm not a classically trained singer,” he says. “When I sing, I sing what I feel, what I felt, and I know what it's like to be in that moment and I know what it's like to have the fans tell you what they're going through. I'm withdrawing from it, and this is what you're hearing.”
Stoney Creek had several options for the first single from the next album, but settled on “I Am Not Okay” due to its emotional weight. It currently sits at No. 14 on the Hot Country Songs chart dated July 20 and climbs to No. 19 on the corresponding Country Airplay chart. Clearly, people are responding to the well-known battle with depression that “Not Okay” depicts.
“It's not a linear path or cure-all, and in the case of addiction, it's an active choice every moment and it's still going back and forth,” says Jelly Roll. “In those moments when you say or feel 'I'm not good,' that push and pull of that moment we wanted to capture.”
from our partners at https://www.billboard.com/music/country/jelly-roll-i-am-not-okay-makin-tracks-1235731574/