Editor's note: This piece by Jacob Nierenberg was originally published in early April 2019, marking the 25th anniversary of Kurt Cobain's death. We revisit it today in light of the 30th anniversary. Most importantly, you can always reach someone who is interested at the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255.
It's hard for me to write about Kurt Cobain.
Since his death on April 5, 1994, Cobain has been the subject of more books, documentaries and conspiracy theories than perhaps any other modern musician. Between that passage of time and the extent to which his life has been covered, it's hard to imagine there's anything new to say about Cobain and the music he made with Nirvana.
And yet that passage of time has done little to soften the impact of Cobain's suicide, a death as sudden and disturbing at a moment in rock history as that of John Lennon or Elvis Presley. Any of the authors or filmmakers who have praised Cobain, or the millions of members of Generation X who grew up listening to Nirvana, could tell where they were at the moment they learned of his death; I am not one of them. Still, it hurts to read about Cobain's life and how it came to the end of it. Cobain's death remains hot to the touch, like a meteorite whose impact left a still-smoking crater in the surface of an alternative rock.
To write about Kurt Cobain, you have to let go of all the bullshit that surrounds him: the Rolling Stone hagiography, the “spokesman of a generation” narrative, and writing about him. Death has transformed Cobain into a myth as much as the man, so it is essential to remember who that man was and how he died. Cobain was not a great artist. because of his battles with depression and addiction; He was a great artist because he was able to turn those battles into music that was visceral and disturbing, but catchy enough to dominate MTV. But those battles were not meant to end the way they did. Cobain had fought his demons to a stalemate for years, but it wasn't until the final weeks of his life that their claws sank deep and tore him apart.
Nirvana began the European leg of their tour behind in the womb, their third (and final) album, in February 1994, and by all indications, it was a shitshow. Cobain was barely five days into the tour before he started talking about canceling the remaining dates; His worst mood was fueled by deteriorating relationships with his bandmates and his wife, Courtney Love, as well as his ever-present stomachache. He got his wish on March 1, the first of two dates the band was scheduled to play in Munich, Germany. Before the show, Cobain got into a fight on the phone with Love, then stormed into the Melvins' opening act's dressing room and unloaded on Buzz Osborne, telling his musical hero that he wanted to break up with Nirvana and divorce Love.
Just over an hour later, Nirvana's final performance came to an end. Cobain's voice had failed due to laryngitis, or that was the excuse he gave, and he cut the show short. With the tour scheduled to resume on March 11, the band members went their separate ways; Cobain flew to Rome, where Love and his daughter, Frances, joined him a few days later. On the morning of March 4, Love woke up to find her husband unresponsive after having overdosed on champagne and Rohypnol. Nirvana management would claim that the overdose was accidental, but months later, Love revealed that it was a suicide attempt. narration Rolling Stone that Cobain “took 50 fucking pills” and had written a suicide note. In it, Cobain, whose parents separated when he was young, wrote that he would “rather die than go through another divorce.”
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