It was a long, complicated journey for Rachel Jeffs Blackmore since she escaped from the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, a polygamous Mormon cult led by her father, Warren Jeffs.
Blackmore, who recently celebrated her 40th birthday, left her old life behind nearly a decade ago and now lives in Idaho with her husband Brandon, another FLDS member, and all their children. Over the past decade, she has spoken candidly about the atrocities and abuse she experienced at the hands of her father, who was once on the FBI's most wanted list and is currently serving a life sentence after being convicted of two counts of child sexual abuse in 2011. Not only has Blackmore testified against church members in court to ensure Jeffs' accountability, but she has also devoted most—if not all—of her post-FLDS life to sharing her story with the public in hopes that the awareness will make a change.
In 2017, Blackmore published her memoir Breaking Free: How I Escaped Polygamy, the FLDS Cult, and My Father, Warren Jeffs. He has also appeared in documentaries and series about Jeffs, including A&E's Warren Jeffs: Prophet of Evil in 2018 and Escape from polygamy. Now, he's starring in A&E's new docuseries The secrets of polygamywhich premiered Jan. 8, to continue to give a voice to those who have suffered at the hands of Jeffs and other FLDS abusers.
“I want to give the children a voice. I want to give a voice to abuse, and especially to young girls who don't have a voice who don't realize they're being abused,” says Blackmore. Rolling rock. “Most importantly, I want people to know that there is healing after trauma.”
The secrets of polygamy follows the current lives of FLDS survivors who have since left, including Blackmore, and shows researcher Matt Browning trying to delve into the abuse these women experienced at the hands of Jeffs and other leaders of the fundamentalist group.
“Growing up, you don't really know more than what you're taught, do you?” says Blackmore. “So believing, as we were taught that we were the chosen people, that we had the best home, that the people out here were wicked and wanted to kill us and harm us and do all these terrible things to us, you have a kind of feeling of fear for the world and feeling safe in your home, even though it was not a quiet or happy home.'
There were fleeting moments of joy in Blackmore's family growing up, like when she played and sang with her sisters. But all this is relative because there was also “much sorrow and hurt.”
“I guess more than anything, I didn't realize how much even as a kid, you don't know anything other than what you're taught. However, there are few ideas that come to your mind about the reality. Sometimes I thought, maybe I don't belong here, or it doesn't seem like the outside world is as bad as they tell us, or it seems like there are good people,” says Blackmore. “These little thoughts would pop into my head.”
According to Blackmore, Jeffs began sexually abusing her when she was eight years old. For years she blamed herself for the atrocities inflicted on her, even after she married and had children of her own. But the real moment that convinced Blackmore to escape the cult came when her sister revealed that Jeffs had also sexually abused her.
“That was my final decision. When you think you're the only victim, then you don't know where to put the shame, so you put it on yourself,” says Blackmore. “But realizing that he was in trouble, he was the evil one who hurt people and all that stuff, that's when I made the decision that I don't need to stay here. My kids don't have to put up with this. I don't have to put up with this. And that gave me the strength to leave.”
Once she recognized that Jeffs was sexually abusing other members of her family, Blackmore was horrified at the thought of her own children going through what he had been through.
“For me, my children were the most important thing. I live for my children. So when they started hurting my kids by taking them away from me and leaving them with people who hurt them, things like that set me on fire,” says Blackmore. “I thought, I don't want to stay here if it's going to be like this.”
Blackmore has seven children, her oldest is 21, and says she is happier with the fact that in her family's new life outside the FLDS most of her children don't remember what it was like to live under the reign of Jeffs and of other worship leaders.
“They're not affected by the past and they're just acclimated to the world so well. They do well in school, they have friends. It's almost like it hasn't affected them, which makes me the happiest of all, is that they can just live a normal life,” Blackmore asserts. “For me, of course, the past is always there, but I feel that I have acclimatized myself. I have made many good friends, I belong to an amazing community and we have a beautiful home. Our kids just have a lot of freedom and are happy. That's what I always wanted — for them to be able to celebrate holidays, birthdays and go on trips together. We live a normal life and that's the great thing.”
While Blackmore has been candid with the public about the horrors she experienced in the polygamist cult, it's not easy to share some of her worst memories and experiences with the rest of the world. But she sees it as a necessary part of her healing journey.
“There are days when I don't want to be in public, but more than anything, I want people to realize that you can be happy after trauma. You can heal. It's mostly about finding that strength within yourself to be happy after trauma,” says Blackmore. “I am raising awareness for other people who have been hurt. So many people have had these difficult experiences in their lives and don't want to talk about it, but sometimes talking about it helps us heal. Realizing that so many people have been hurt and accepting that truth and growing from it is part of learning how to live a normal life afterwards.”
Blackmore hopes viewers will tune in The secrets of polygamy and realize that even though he was someone who managed to escape the cult and start a new life, other people are still being hurt by the FLDS, many of whom they still consider Jeffs their leader. She says she will continue to speak out as long as necessary so she can also help show former (and current) victims that there is life on the other side of their trauma.
“I hope people will realize that speaking out helps give a voice to those who are still hurting and raise awareness of the challenges of living in polygamy and then learn how to heal from trauma,” says Blackmore. “That's a message I want to send to people.”
from our partners at https://www.rollingstone.com/tv-movies/tv-movie-features/rachel-jeffs-blackmore-warren-jeffs-flds-cult-mormon-secrets-of-polygamy-child-abuse-1234942863/